New Layout

I can’t help feeling that my previous layout look damn stupid and I eventually activated the layout I prepared long ago to freshen up the site. It does look much better now. It is not a major makeover but at least the crocodile looks more decent. Anyway, I haven’t been, and won’t be updating my blog that frequently because of exams, just like everyone else here. The reason why I am doing it now is that today is a Friday and tomorrow is a rest day.

In fact, I would have been able to slack off for the next 5 days but I chose not to (I realised 14 students did manage to slack off). I thought I wouldn’t bother to study if I was left on my own, so I might as well attend school. This time, the exam extends itself all the way to the beginning of November so I wouldn’t be very free till then. Seriously, having been through that few years of crap, then landing in the current situation have not been easy but now that you are just a few steps away from ending it, you start to have some reservations because you have no idea how your life is going to proceed later.

At the very least, you know who is manipulating you at the current juncture of time and you might not actually mind that at all. However, once you enter that ‘somewhere else’, you got to ‘re-adapt’, a very complex and troublesome process that drains away quite some portion of your energy that could have been spent repairing that few cornea cells that you have on your left eye, or save enough glucose so that you don’t have to take in that extra bar of chocolate. Very energy consuming indeed.

At the very end of everything, you asked yourself about the significance of your presence and you find lots of them – but they are all words of the others. You are allowing others to define you. Cut the philosophy part and what I am trying to say is that we realised that we have not been ourselves. We have been living for others and perhaps even living somebody else’s life. Too bad, I shall say. We are limited by the system, the nation, everyone around us.

It is irritating to have such feeling. There’s always junctions when you have to stop, find out more about what others think and all the conventions you are to follow before treading on ned grounds. It is scary. I am afraid, it is now impossible to truly be yourself. You probably can do it in the sub-urb; no one would give a damn about you, or you can do it in the rural areas; others probably support you to do that. But eventually, when there’s a system in place, you have no choice but to conform. You can try changing the system, or challenging the authority and end up like the protagonist of George Orwell’s novels. Very Sad.

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