Dry Wit (Pure Lameness)

Life’s probably getting a little too dry and some incidents prove that my sense of humour and wit is getting distorted by the pressures of education (or otherwise). At least, they happen in a way that makes me laugh – so I must say there’s no harm sharing.

Few days back, when I was lazing around, refusing to acknowledge the fact that examination is just 400 hours away, and playing Tennis on my Sony Ecrisson, the phone rang. The handphone, not my house phone. Being alone in my bedroom, I looked around, hesitated for a moment or two, and looked at the screen to find out which irritating friend was preventing me from enjoying my game, I realised the number came from an unknown caller. Annoyed, I picked up the phone with the characteristic dry ‘hello’ that arises in calls that irritates me.

Caller: *In a shocked-that-someone-picked-up-the-call tone* Oh! Hello! Good Afternoon!

Vib: *Pretending to be concerned but absolutely clueless tone* Yes?

Caller: I am from Lifestyle Limited (or whatever lameshit corporation that does cold-calling) and we are promoting this cruise package for…

Vib: …I think you called the wrong number… *Confidently, and eager to get back to the game of Tennis on the handphone*

Caller: *Concerned and confused* …Er, why do you say so?

Vib: *Loss for words*…Er… Because this is a handphone number… *Slapping myself for the lame excuse and the predicted subsequent lameness*

Caller: Oh… *Loss for words and absolutely stumped and confused* So whose handphone is this?

Vib: *Decides that the opportunity to lame around has arrived*…Er…I have no idea… *In the spoilt-American-kid-with-funny-accent way of speaking* …this phone just appeared in my house …

Caller: *Totally freaked out and anxious to end the conversation* Er…okay, bye bye!

So I just invented another method to rid myself of dumb cold-callers. I later perfected this technique, adding a ‘Hohoho, God bless you!’ before the call ends abruptly to amuse myself further. I’ll probably try it when the next cold-caller comes.

Next up, my mom has been lame all the while, but this time she totally breakthrough.

Vib: This piece of essay is totally crap…

Vib’s Mom: So you are implying that your essay is totally prawns?

Vib: *Absolutely loss for words. Stares at Mom*

Vib’s Mom: *Pretends nothing happened*

That’s a rather typical day in my house so to speak but I am damn put off by this lame one that I decided to blog anyway.

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